I always thought it would be weird when my little sister headed off to college, but I couldn't be more excited for her. When I was a freshman my sister was vehemently opposed to allowing me any special treatment and thus ignored me as much as she could my entire first semester at Willamette. (we've all three ended up there) I was frustrated and irritated, but it's just how she is and throughout this entire frustrating experience with the Peace Corps bureaucracy she has been amazing and incredibly informative and helpful. It's a little funny our three little generations embarking into territory that we've already traveled.
I'm also starting to get really excited about Mali. It took me a couple of days of feeling a little bit nauseous but I think I'm doing the right thing and I'm excited to be back in a part of the world with which I'm relatively familiar. I looked up the temperature in Mali and it ranges between 108 to 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Awesome. And I was reminded briefly of the agony of living in a country where Ramadan is really important, but it also made me excited because my fondest memories of Egypt come from the days during Ramadan and some of the worst!
As I'm sitting here looking around my mess of a room (I literally slept on my bed with an enormous pile of clothes shoved next to me b/c I was too lazy to put them away last night) thinking that I won't see most of this for two years! Also thinking that when I have my own house in Peace Corps I hope it's more presentable then my messy room. It's a little overwhelming to think that I have to pack up some (and very little of it I'm sure) of this stuff and that will about all I have to look at for 27 months. I've realized over the last year, that has gone by so quickly it's hard to believe it has been a year since graduation, how much I've grown and relaxed and managed to become a little more calm of a person. I think I'm more proud of this change then I realized lately. I've had some frustrating moments and I've been able to talk to the right people (some great great listeners) and really talk stuff out before I react or before I just forget about it. I'm also excited for three days in Yakima alone for work which is funny because I never thought I'd be able to spend so much time alone in a foreign place.
My whole mantra in Egypt was to not cry, and that's kind of how I feel now, don't cry because it's not as big of a deal as you're making it. However, I think is kind of killing me inside. I tried that whole hard personality shit in Egypt and I nearly exploded one night when I started crying for no particular reason at all, surprising my roommate to tears herself. I had a moment of frustration today, and I got through it without actually crying, watery eyes were unavoidable, but I'm going to try to be a little more available to my emotions the next few weeks and while I'm there because I think it keeps you sane. Honestly, after Tom, and after almost a year of crying over a guy I think I felt like any crying was going to be petty. I'm over that now and I'm clearly moved on from that but less trivial and more intense experiences await me so I'm praying (in my non-religious way) that I can get through those times happily (okay, maybe I want a little help from God, and Jesus too, if he's capable of doing that).
After today, I propose to banish all drama and frustration from my mind the minute I see it on the horizon.
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